Example Descriptive Writing #2

Here is another example of descriptive writing created by a student at the ELC in a past semester. This is an example of a final draft, but it does not always mean that the writing is perfect. Some errors may be included for your teacher to talk about with the class.

Seeing Stars

     I'm not a camper. I don't really enjoy being outdoors with all of the bugs and the dirt. I prefer being indoors without bugs and without dirt. I prefer the modern conveniences I have when I'm not camping, like being able to wash my hair and use the microwave. However, I went camping every summer with a group of my friends because they loved it so much. They taught me how to love nature. We hiked and explored during the day. We played games and had great conversations at night. Nighttime was always my favorite part of the day while we were camping. Every night, we went to an open area without too many trees so we could look at the stars. The most inspiring view in nature is a sky full of stars.

     Stars are inspiring because they are beautiful. When you look up into the dark night sky on a clear night, the stars seem to twinkle like little Christmas lights as they sparkle and shine. A clear night sky offers the most spectacular view because there are thousands if not millions of these specks of glitter set against a beautiful dark blue backdrop. At times, they seem close enough you could reach out and touch them, while others seem so far away, they are no more than a tiny pinprick of light. That view is clear when you are camping because the light from the city does not distract from the light of the stars. The night sky is truly beautiful.

     Stars are also inspiring because they bring people together. When I spent time looking at the stars, it was with my group of friends, and looking at the stars together brought us together too. It also helps to bring people together now with people who have lived on this planet for centuries. Looking at the constellations, it is natural to think about the ancient people who looked at the same stars we can view and gave them names, or drew pictures with them and told epic stories to their children about them. You think about your ancestors, who stared up at those stars. You think about the thousands of people who have been guided as they traveled by navigating with those very same stars. You feel connected to all of these people because of your connection with the stars.

     Finally, stars are inspiring because they give perspective. It is easy to become distracted in life with things that do not really matter. Just like the lights in the city make it harder to see the stars, there are common things in life that make us forget our purpose and place here. When you look at the stars, you realize with more clarity what your place is within this large universe. Suddenly, those little things that may have overwhelmed you or monopolized your thoughts don't seem as important in the large scheme of things. The grandeur of it all leaves you in awe and changes your attitude toward life.

     In conclusion, looking at the stars is the most inspiring view in the world because it brings perspective, helps people become closer together, and is amazingly beautiful. If we take the time out of our busy lives to step away from the lights of the city, then we can truly enjoy the enormity of the night sky. So, the next time you are out camping, take time to notice the stars and you will be amazed that you can see these things too.


Exercise 1: Identify the parts of an essay

Read the example essay to complete this exercise. You have analyzed pieces of this essay throughout the chapter. Now look at the essay as a whole. Answer the following questions about the example essay.

  1. Label the introduction paragraph, the body paragraphs, and the conclusion paragraph.
  2. Circle the hook.
  3. What is the general topic of the essay?
  4. Underline the thesis.
  5. Underline each of the topic sentences.
  6. Do each of the topic sentences support the thesis?
  7. How does the conclusion paragraph begin? How does it end?

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Access it online or download it at https://open.byu.edu/foundations_c_writing/example_essay_2T.